


That Which Burns Brightest

by Virtual Revolutions (maidendays)



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! VRAINS
Genre: Depression, Friendship, Healing, M/M, Not Epilogue Compliant, Post-Canon, Post-Series, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24418702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maidendays/pseuds/Virtual%20Revolutions
Summary: [Any intentions Ryoken had had of dropping Yusaku off with Kusanagi Shoichi were quickly crushed by thesheer emotional weightof Yusaku's grief, not to mention Yusaku's refusal tolet goof Ryoken's blazer even as Ryoken had guided Yusaku aboard his yacht.]This story begins in episode 120, but ignores the series epilogue.
Relationships: Fujiki Yuusaku/Revolver | Kougami Ryouken
Comments: 19
Kudos: 56





	That Which Burns Brightest

Yusaku's scream roused Ryoken to action. He emerged from the shadows -- he'd never actually left, how could he when the Ignis threat was still so immediate -- and followed the sounds of Yusaku's unnerving wailing. He found Yusaku kneeling within an army of empty SOLtis, cradling one in his arms. As relieved as Ryoken felt that Yusaku had defeated the Dark Ignis, it was disturbing to watch Yusaku lament his grief so openly; not even after Ryoken's defeat at Lightning's hands had Ryoken seen Yusaku _this_ broken..

not since...

_Remember three reasons._

Ryoken dropped to his knees and embraced Yusaku, pulling the boy into his arms. Yusaku fell towards him, burying his head in Ryoken's shoulder and sobbing, trembling fingers clutching the fabric of Ryoken's blazer.

"It's over. You did the right thing. It couldn't have been helped," Ryoken whispered.

Yusaku didn't respond, and Ryoken didn't force him.

Any intentions Ryoken had had of dropping Yusaku off with Kusanagi Shoichi were quickly crushed by the _sheer emotional weight_ of Yusaku's grief, not to mention Yusaku's refusal to _let go_ of Ryoken's blazer even as Ryoken had guided Yusaku aboard his yacht. This was fine; Ryoken's house was closer. It would only be for the night anyway; he'd call Yusaku's friends in the morning.

Ryoken had guided the distraught Yusaku to the empty guest room at the center of the house. It seemed that Yusaku's body had known what to do even if his head and heart had been weakened by grief, for as soon as Ryoken had guided Yusaku into the room, Yusaku had climbed onto the bed and curled into a fetal position above the comforter.

Ryoken had a brief thought of grabbing a spare blanket from the hallway closet to drape over Yusaku, but he decided against it, wondering if that would be crossing a line. Ryoken wasn't brave enough to reinitiate intimacy; it wasn't his place. 

Out of respect for Yusaku's grief, Ryoken had left the bedroom, although he left the door cracked open so that he could hear Yusaku's sobs from down the hall.

Nearly two hours had passed before silence finally overtook the house. Had Yusaku reached emotional exhaustion? Of course there was a biological limit to how long a person could cry before tears just couldn't flow anymore. Or perhaps Yusaku had fallen asleep?

It didn't matter; this wouldn't be Ryoken's responsibility come morning.

Or so Ryoken had thought.. somehow one night had turned into two nights, then three.. then a week.. then two weeks. Ryoken had meant to take Yusaku back to his friends, but with Yusaku rendered silent and _apathetic_ in the aftermath, there was little Ryoken could do to coax Yusaku out of bed. And so the guest room at the center of the house had become _Yusaku's bedroom_.

Two and half weeks had passed after the Dark Ignis's deletion before Yusaku had accepted anything more to eat than water and soup stock. He had lost an alarming amount of weight in such a short time; it had indeed been a relief to see Yusaku actually _eat_ the small portions of rice Ryoken had left in the guest room.

On the fourth day of the second week, Yusaku sat in bed nursing a mug. A blanket was draped over his shoulders. He stared off into nothingness, still as a statue. Although Ryoken had not yet seen Yusaku outside of the bedroom, judging by the slow steam rising from the mug it hadn't been long since Yusaku had prepared the cup, which meant he had been _in the kitchen_ mere minutes ago. That was remarkable progress; perhaps he could be coaxed out.

"If you'd like more than coffee you're welcome to join us for breakfast," said Ryoken gently in the doorway. 

If Yusaku had heard him he hadn't acknowledged it. Ryoken hadn't actually expected that Yusaku would take him up on the offer, so when Ryoken had left the room he hadn't any reason to be disappointed.

Sometime later, however, when Ryoken's makeshift family had settled into a comfortable morning meal at the dining table, Yusaku emerged from around the corner, the blanket draped over his shoulders like a shawl, his fingers loosely holding the mug, now empty.

Ryoken stood up so fast the table wobbled. Vaira hissed as her tea spilled, Faust immediately wiped up the mess. Genome simply stared.

"Look who finally decided to leave the cave," drawled Spectre with a sneer. 

Yusaku didn't respond, his expression remained as it had been for weeks: blank.

Ryoken shook his head and guided Yusaku to the table, pulling back a chair for him next to Vaira. "We still have eggs, sausage and toast. Sorry if it's more Western of a breakfast than you're used to." Ryoken had a brief thought that he didn't actually know what Yusaku ate at home, which was followed by a second thought that Yusaku may not be ready to resume eating larger portions, but he dismissed both thoughts in favor of taking the mug from Yusaku's hand and refilling it with coffee and a bit of cream and sugar.

"Ryoken-sama.. are you sure this is appropriate?" whispered Faust into his ear. The man appeared a bit stressed, and Ryoken knew why: Faust was one of three people at this table who had been directly responsible for Yusaku's original trauma.

But if Yusaku registered the absurdity of the situation, he didn't react. He did however accept the mug from Ryoken's hand, sipping from it while staring at nothing.

"Should I..?" began Vaira, wearing a gentle and practiced smile that threatened to crack at the edges. It was clear that Vaira would rather distance herself from this awkwardness, but Ryoken didn't care; this wasn't about her.

Ryoken shook his head again, instead gesturing to the half-empty platter of boiled eggs while placing a clean plate before Yusaku. Vaira nodded, still smiling, and moved an egg to the plate, her hand trembling a bit as she placed the platter back on the table.

"Hungry?" asked Vaira, the strain evident in her voice, and, when Yusaku appeared to ignore her question, she pressed on with, "Eat before it gets cold?" 

Yusaku didn't react. Vaira set a slice of toast on the plate next to the egg, then picked up the sausage pan but set it back down when Faust shook his head.

"Kyoko, don't crowd the boy," said Faust in a cheery voice that was as fake as his tablet reading of the Domino City Chronicle; he kept scrolling up and down the same page, his finger aimlessly tapping the screen.

"My apologies," said Vaira, her smile falling as she refilled her tea.

Ryoken caught Spectre rolling his eyes, but Spectre carried on eating, and if Genome was interested he didn't show it.

Breakfast continued in awkward silence with only the sounds of silverware scraping on plates. 

Abruptly Yusaku stood, walked to the center of the table, picked up an apple from the fruit bowl, and departed the room, taking his mug with him. He hadn't touched the eggs or toast on the plate.

"He's still not eating," said Ryoken in monotone after Yusaku departed the room. An apple and coffee _did not_ count as breakfast.

"I noticed," replied Vaira with a solemn nod, staring at the wall that Yusaku had disappeared beyond. "You gave him three weeks to pull himself out of this depression, but his recovery isn't progressing as you had hoped."

"It's time to involve his friends," replied Ryoken, nodding to himself. "Kusanagi Shoichi may be able to persuade him."

Vaira's expression turned anxious. "Invite them? Here? With _us_? With all due respect Ryoken-sama, having Fujiki here is bad enough, but to invite over his friends?"

"Cowards," said Spectre and Genome together.

Vaira shot them warning looks. "It is not cowardly to wish not to be in the same space as those you've wronged."

"It's been nearly 12 years," said Spectre with bored disdain. "You should be over it by now, I am, _Ryoken-sama_ is."

Despite his duel with Soulburner, Ryoken would _never_ _truly_ be 'over it', but he kept that thought to himself.

"Have you no shame?" scolded Faust, his anger catching Ryoken by surprise.

"I was your victim too," retorted Spectre with a sadistic sneer that split his face in two.

"Victim, you?" whispered Faust with angry exasperation. "After 10 years of claiming you enjoyed those 6 months now you decide to change your tune?"

"Him enjoying it doesn't erase our crime," said Genome with the crude interest of a spectator watching a cage match.

Vaira and Faust made affronted noises, clearly struggling to keep calm in the face of two trolls deriving glee from their anger. 

"Enough," shouted Ryoken, assuming authority as their leader, satisfied by how all four of them immediately fell silent. "I'm going to call his friends. Whether any of you are still here when they arrive is your choice."

"Then I shall excuse myself," announced Vaira, pushing back her chair and taking her tea in hand as she stood. "I'll be reading in the atrium should anyone need me."

"I'll join you," said Faust.

They both left the room in a hurry, leaving Ryoken, Genome and Spectre.

"Those two should get it over with already," spat Spectre with overt disdain. "Nauseating."

"It?" replied Genome conversationally, picking up the tablet Faust had left behind.

"Marriage," replied Spectre, rolling his eyes before stabbing apart a sausage link on his plate.

As Genome laughed, Ryoken silently slipped away, mentally rehearsing what he would say to Kusanagi.

Kusanagi was, of course, relieved to know that Yusaku hadn't lost the duel against the Dark Ignis. But, much to Ryoken's surprise, he wasn't angry that Yusaku had been recovering in Ryoken's home for the last three weeks.

"He sent me a message about it last week," said Kusanagi, alarmingly calm for a guy who had just been told his friend hadn't been eating for weeks. "Thank you for watching out for him, I wish I had been there when Ai disappeared."

Ryoken curtly shook his head. "I was simply ensuring he completed the mission. I didn't want to believe he'd lose, but there was always a small chance."

"Regardless, you've been a good friend to him, Revolver. You've really changed.."

"Your gratitude is not necessary. All that matters is that he makes a full recovery."

"That's why I'm here," agreed Kusanagi, lifting the cloth-wrapped box he held in his hand a bit higher for emphasis. "Which way to his room?"

After Kusanagi had taken a seat next to Yusaku's curled-up form on the bed, Ryoken shut the bedroom door and went to the living room to log into the network. He had a promise to keep to one Homura Takeru, and he would be nothing without his honor.

Kusanagi returned the next day and every day afterwards for the next four weeks, always with a meal set, always alone. Each time Ryoken granted him entrance to his home without a word, logging into the network soon after.

So it was unexpected when one day Kusanagi brought his _brother_ with him.

Ryoken only stared in silence as Kusanagi Jin passed him. Jin stared back for several seconds before following his brother to the bedroom.

That day Ryoken stayed in the network two hours longer than usual. The need to _atone_ felt like a burning rash on his skin.

It seemed that Jin's appearance in his home wasn't a fluke, because each day from then on he came through the door after Kusanagi, both of them with determined looks on their faces.

It was a Saturday some days later when a third person filed through the door after them: Takeru.

Takeru however didn't immediately follow them to Yusaku's bedroom, rather he lingered in the entryway staring at Ryoken.

"I've kept my promise," said Ryoken, breaking the silence.

"I know," said Takeru. "I wanted to thank you in person so I came here today."

"Oh," said Ryoken, lost for words.

"Is your.. _family_.." Takeru seemed to struggle with the word, ".. around?"

"They're doing their best not to be seen."

Takeru looked visibly uncomfortable at the thought. "I see." 

"I assure they will not bother you while you're here."

Takeru nodded, smiling. "Thank you."

Ryoken walked Takeru to Yusaku's bedroom, then silently scolded himself for getting flustered, dragging his palm over his face in frustration; he shouldn't be _happy_ that Takeru had thanked him for simply keeping a promise.. for fulfilling his duty.

It was three months after the Dark Ignis's defeat when late one night Ryoken, reading in his bedroom, was startled by the sight of Yusaku, wearing a navy hoodie, watching him from the darkness of the hallway.

"Do you need something?" began Ryoken, stilling his racing heart; he had nearly jumped. They resided in the same house, but Ryoken hadn't seen Yusaku outside of the bedroom in nearly two weeks, and even then _that time_ had only been in passing in the kitchen when Yusaku had journeyed out to grab a bottle of water from the pantry; how Yusaku had even learned about the pantry in the first place was a mystery.

Given that Yusaku _still_ had yet to say _anything_ to him, Ryoken expected Yusaku to walk away without saying a word, so Ryoken was surprised when Yusaku entered his bedroom, sat down in the armchair across from him, and said, barely above a whisper, "Hi."

 _Hi._ Not a sentence, not a phrase, barely a salutation, yet profound in its simplicity. _Hi._

"Hi," replied Ryoken, lowering his book to his lap.

Yusaku didn't look at him, choosing to stare at the flames dancing in the fireplace. OK, _that_ was _expected_. "Ryoken.." _Or not._

Ryoken draped his book over his knee, his heart racing again at the sound of his name. "Yes..?" asked Ryoken, wary.

"You're not watching the network tonight."

Ryoken thought he might cry. Yusaku had just spoken a sentence to him. _A full sentence!_ "LINK VRAINS is down for maintenance."

Yusaku looked up then, finally meeting Ryoken's gaze. "Maintenance?" 

Ryoken nodded, resisting the urge to smile, he was _relieved_ to see Yusaku so attentive, but he thought Yusaku might misunderstand if he showed any strong emotion. "I submitted a security breach report to them last night."

"That makes sense..."

Ryoken nodded again, although this time he didn't speak. He wondered if Yusaku would keep speaking if he didn't fill the silence with his own words.

Ryoken resumed reading his book. 

"What sort of security breach?"

Ryoken almost jumped again. He looked at the clock on the wall; 10 minutes had passed since Yusaku had said anything. In fact, Yusaku had been so quiet and still that Ryoken had nearly forgotten he was still sitting there.

Ryoken cleared his throat. "Vaira discovered a backdoor to the core code of LINK VRAINS, exploitable by anyone with basic hacking knowledge. The latest update had several poorly coded lines, but we chose to demonstrate the potential of the breach by making this month's exclusive shop items free to everyone. LINK VRAINS was drowning in thousands of the new premium items when they took the game offline this morning."

A tiny smile came over Yusaku's face. "I wish I could have seen it."

What was the proper response to that statement? _I wish you could have too_ or _We could watch over the network together_ or _Are you hungry?_

Ryoken went with: "How are you holding up?" 

In hindsight it may have been one of the worst things he could have said. In the next few moments Yusaku's expression fell, then he got to his feet and left Ryoken's bedroom. The sound of a door slamming punctuated the silence.

It seemed Yusaku may have told his friends about his late night conversation with Ryoken, because two days later when the trio visited, all three of them paused in the entryway before Takeru asked Ryoken politely if there was somewhere private they could go to talk. Kusanagi told Jin he could take Yusaku's dinner to the bedroom. Expressionless, Ryoken led them further back in the house to the sunroom, gesturing to the wicker chairs.

Takeru sighed, shaking his head when Kusanagi gave him a concerned look. Ryoken watched them both in silence.

"Yusaku is still reacting negatively when Ai is brought up in conversation," began Takeru, a pained expression coming over his face. "I miss Flame, don't get me wrong, but.. but his death affected me differently than Ai's has for Yusaku. I'm worried he may not recover."

Kusanagi nodded, sitting forward in his chair, his hands on his knees. "He refuses to talk about Ai or _any_ of the Ignis. He says he's fine but anytime we bring up _what happened_ he looks like he might cry. We're always forced to quickly change the subject. I'm concerned he hasn't worked through his grief. And yesterday he refused to eat lunch despite eating all the meals we'd brought prior. Has he said anything to you, Revolver?"

Perhaps Yusaku hadn't told them after all. Perhaps they were simply reacting to Yusaku's mood. Regardless, Ryoken didn't like the direction this conversation was heading.. for a multitude of reasons.

"Anything at all?" pressed Takeru when Ryoken didn't respond.

Ryoken steeled his nerves; he had promised _himself_ that he would be more courageous moving forward. "Two nights ago I asked him how he was holding up. He immediately went back to his room without answering me."

"And.. ?" pressed Kusanagi.

"And nothing, that's all," replied Ryoken.

Takeru stared, surprised. "That's all? Really? He lives here so I thought--"

"He keeps to himself," interjected Ryoken before Takeru could ramble. "I don't bother him. The house is large enough that he can wander around it without us getting into each other's space."

Kusanagi sat up straight, his brows furrowed in anger. "But that doesn't mean you should just leave him to his own devices. He needs to be monitored--"

"You're welcome to do so," injected Ryoken again, not wanting to get into an argument about Yusaku's welfare _with_ Yusaku's friends. "You're here every day as it is."

_So much for courage._

"How can you be so cold?" Takeru suddenly demanded, anger scrunching up his face. "He's your friend too, isn't he? I mean why else would you be letting him stay here?"

Friend?

That didn't seem right.

Kusanagi was Yusaku's friend.

Takeru was Yusaku's friend.

But him and Yusaku?

Him and Takeru even?

Ryoken didn't know what they were.

"I don't want to cause him more pain," said Ryoken, pushing down thoughts about _social relationships_. "He closed himself off weeks ago, and I took that as a sign that he wanted to be left alone."

"You shouldn't pull back when someone is recovering from trauma," hissed Kusanagi. "You should engage with them more so they know they're not alone. Did the Lost Incident teach you _nothing!?"_

Takeru's eyes went wide at that accusation; Ryoken supposed even _he_ knew that Kusanagi had crossed a line. "Kusanagi-san.."

But Takeru owed him nothing, he didn't need to be defended, especially not over _this_ topic. "I misjudged the situation. You're right. I shouldn't have left him alone. I apologize."

"What good are apologies if you don't act on them?" asked Kusanagi, although it sounded far more like a command than a question. "What matters are your actions, what you do next. If you're going to continue to let Yusaku stay in your house then you're going to _talk_ to him on _his_ terms."

Conviction had returned to Takeru's face, his gaze serious as he nodded along with Kusanagi's words. "Yes, that's exactly what you should do now."

Ryoken stared at them both for a long moment, expecting them to continue talking. When they didn't, he said, "Now?"

"Now," repeated Kusanagi.

"As in this very moment?" asked Ryoken, wary.

Takeru and Kusanagi both nodded in a manner that left no room for argument. Ryoken held back a sigh of resignation.

Entering Yusaku's bedroom felt wrong, which in itself was strange given that this was _Ryoken's_ house. And yet, all the same, Ryoken perceived it as wandering into somewhere he didn't belong.

Kusanagi went in first and joined his younger brother on one side of the bed. Takeru went in second and settled in on the other side. Which left Ryoken standing awkwardly in the open doorway.

Yusaku wore no expression as he raised his head to acknowledge his friends. And when Yusaku noticed Ryoken he simply stared.

"Yusaku," said Jin, and Ryoken had a side thought that this was the first time he had heard Jin speak since _that_ time so many years ago, "What did you think of the latest chapter?"

Yusaku looked away from Ryoken, which lessened some of the twisting in Ryoken's gut. "It's interesting. I liked the new weapon they gave Takeshi."

"Bullet Dash, huh?" chimed in Kusanagi, all smiles for Yusaku, not a shard to be found of the anger he had shown Ryoken in the sunroom. "I thought it was cool too. It's a gun _and_ a sword. But if you had to choose between a sword and gun, which would you pick?"

"Sword," replied Yusaku, nothing in his voice giving any indication that he had given the choice much thought.

"I'd pick the gun," said Takeru merrily. "The guns in that series are _big_."

"Yeah, that's true," agreed Yusaku as he returned to staring at Ryoken who was still standing in the doorway. But then.. "Ryoken.."

Caught off guard, Ryoken stopped himself from stepping back into the hallway. _Oh how easy it would be to run_. "Yes?"

"What are you doing here?" asked Yusaku, and Ryoken felt he might dissolve from the _intensity_ of Yusaku's stare.

"I came to visit," said Ryoken, feeling incredibly stupid since _again_ this was _his_ house, but that was nothing compared to the _awkwardness_ he felt as he followed up with, "As your.. friend."

That seemed to please Yusaku's friends, for in the next moment Takeru moved back on the bed and smoothed out the sheets in front of him, making it _very obvious_ that he was hoping Ryoken would _sit down on the bed_. But that would mean crossing into territory that Ryoken _absolutely_ _did not_ wish to cross into at this point, if ever, afterall he wasn't _buddy-buddy_ with Yusaku like Kusanagi, Takeru and Jin were so _, of course_ , he _would not_ act so casually around Yusaku.

"I see," said Yusaku, nodding, his gaze softening. 

"He should join us, right Yusaku?" said Takeru with an encouraging smile. "There's plenty of room, isn't there?"

Yusaku nodded again, "Yes, plenty."

Ryoken felt trapped. On one hand he really did want to bolt, and on the other Yusaku had just given him _permission_ to cross into _that_ territory.

Takeru patted the spot he had prepared, smiling, insistent. And all the while Yusaku continued _staring directly into Ryoken's eyes._

Feeling that he had no choice but to comply, Ryoken shoved down every thought screaming at him to flee, and dragged himself over to the side of the bed, sitting down on the edge next to Takeru. For whatever strange reason this arrangement caused Takeru to mouth "good job" at him, which was humiliating to say the least.

Nevertheless, while Yusaku's friends engaged Yusaku in conversation, Ryoken took the opportunity to silently survey the surroundings.

There was an empty bento tray on the bed near Jin, and a short stack of manga on the bedside table, the volume on the top laying open upside down as if it had been carefully set aside to resume reading later. Ryoken had never considered Yusaku the type to enjoy manga; the sword and gun conversation suddenly made a lot more sense. Most people were into things like that.

 _He's not most people_ , came a wandering thought, which Ryoken _promptly_ ignored.

The next thing to catch Ryoken's attention was the strange way Yusaku had clasped his right hand over his left, his right middle finger repeatedly stroking the back of his left hand as he conversed with his friends. The stroking seemed to quicken whenever it was Yusaku's turn to respond.

Then there was the way that Yusaku pursed his lips, the round of his lower lip disappearing under the upper, his temples twitching every now and then. Ryoken knew that some people ground their teeth together when they were anxious. Was this a stressful situation for Yusaku? And, if it was, did Yusaku's friends realize they were making him uncomfortable?

At one point Yusaku caught Ryoken looking at him, after which Ryoken averted his gaze and instead attempted to read some of the titles in the manga stack. The Destined Wonderland, Red Lily, Golden Priest, Professor Mineral...

"Real talk, Yusaku," said Kusanagi, suddenly serious, snapping Ryoken out of his momentary shonen manga trance, "Have you been sleeping well? Those circles are _dark_."

Yusaku shrugged. "It's nothing to worry about."

Kusanagi shook his head. "You can't tell us not to worry, that's not how it works."

Takeru and Jin nodded in agreement, comically serious.

"Uh.. well.." murmured Yusaku. "I'll be mindful of it."

"Meaning you'll sleep earlier, I hope?" said Kusanagi, gently pushing his closed fist into Yusaku's upper arm. Ryoken stared at the gesture; this kind of intimacy was acceptable between friends.

"Good. We'll get going then," announced Kusanagi, a merry grin breaking out over his face as he winked at Yusaku. "I'll make spicy soba tomorrow. With extra spice."

"That sounds delicious!" exclaimed Takeru. "New menu item?"

Kusanagi laughed, jubilant. "Could be! Got to see if my favorite customers will like it first. Yes, that includes _you_ , Revolver."

"Huh," said Ryoken, surprised to be included. "Sounds nice, but Yusaku should try it first."

"I would like that," said Yusaku, nodding with a small smile.

"Sure thing," replied Kusanagi, rising from his seat, Jin and Takeru following his lead.

"Until tomorrow," said Jin with a friendly wave; Yusaku waved back.

"Don't ruin it, OK?" whispered Takeru as he passed behind Ryoken, words so soft that Ryoken was sure they were meant for his ears alone, although he didn't understand _why_. And then Takeru parted with a loud "see ya!" 

As soon as Yusaku's friends had left, Ryoken made to stand, but to his surprise he could not; his arm had been anchored in place by the sudden weight of Yusaku's hand around it. "Yes?"

"Why are you here?" asked Yusaku, mirroring their earlier exchange.

"I already said why," replied Ryoken, confused yet impressed by the strength of Yusaku's grip.

"No, you said what Kusanagi-san and Takeru wanted you to say."

_Shit._

Ryoken could not deny it, so he acquiesced, voice soft, ".. you're right."

"Then why?"

 _Because your friends cornered me_ sounded childish. Ryoken swallowed his pride. "I was worried about you."

"Worried?"

Ryoken nodded, at least he had no reason to lie about his concern.

The weakest of smiles formed on Yusaku's lips. "I was beginning to think you didn't care.. that you were happy to finally see the Ignis eradicated."

Pain shot through Ryoken's gut and chest, anxiety flooding over him, the need to atone setting every bit of his skin on fire. He truly had made a grave miscalculation. Now he would have to work to undo the damage his _stupidity_ had caused.

"I was relieved to see the Ignis threat gone," said Ryoken, trying to keep himself from freaking out in front of Yusaku, "but knowing that its defeat caused you such pain.. naturally I was worried."

"You don't know this, but Ai came to the conclusion that he didn't belong in our world.. that the only _good_ future would be one where he did not exist."

Ryoken's eyes widened in surprise. "The Dark Ignis reached that conclusion on its own?"

"Not entirely. He re-ran Lightning's calculations. Ai said the results were absolute. He believed it beyond a shred of doubt."

Ryoken couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Lightning's calculations? You mean my father's algorithm?"

"In the end Ai agreed with your father, and chose to delete himself if he lost to me. Of his own free will Ai chose to die."

_.. chose to die._

"That's.." began Ryoken before he stopped himself from finishing the thought aloud. It would be cruel to say to Yusaku's face that he thought it absolutely insane that the Dark Ignis had completed the mission of the Knights of Hanoi _of its own volition_.

"Sit with me for a while?" asked Yusaku, his soft voice an ocean of mysteries. He released Ryoken's arm.

"OK," said Ryoken, dizzy from the shock of these revelations.

"I'm sorry I left the other night," said Yusaku, leaning forward slightly, his arms resting on raised knees.

"No, it's fine," said Ryoken, repositioning himself on the bed so that he could lean his head back against the headboard. "I shouldn't have been so direct."

They were now so close that Ryoken could see the individual specks of emerald and clover in Yusaku's eyes. How had he never noticed that Yusaku had eyes like this?

Yusaku shook his head. "You weren't wrong to ask though. I panicked but that wasn't your fault."

"Still.. that wasn't the right thing to say. I should have realized that you weren't ready to talk about _that_."

"It was painful but it also made me come to terms with some things I had been avoiding. It was unexpectedly therapeutic."

Ryoken didn't know how to respond to that. The need to atone had migrated to the base of his skull; he gripped the nape of his neck and squeezed it to relieve tension.

Yusaku leaned his chin on his arms, looking straight ahead at the far wall. "I remembered something Ai had said before he passed on. "Ai means to love people." I didn't accept his death at the time, I thought it was illogical. Why did he give up on his future without trying to change his fate? But the other night I realized that sacrificing himself was what he had thought would best show his love for me and for humanity. He was brave to the very end. I owe it to him to carry on his will."

Ryoken realized then that he had been wrong about many things. He hadn't believed the Dark Ignis capable of selflessness. He had mistakenly assumed that Yusaku's grief was solely over being forced to delete his friend. For it to express love even in defeat.. perhaps Ryoken had been wrong to condemn it to death. Perhaps Yusaku's grief was for the Dark Ignis's lost potential, for what it could have accomplished, for _who_ it might have become. _"He died too young"_ \-- that sentiment, as illogical as it seemed to apply to an entity made of 1s and 0s, Ryoken could empathize with. 

_Walk a new path with me._

Playmaker's words echoed in Ryoken's thoughts. Had consideration of the Ignis's ability to love been on that path he had chosen not to tread? Would he have found a way to save both the Ignis and humanity if he had stayed in Den City after his defeat at the Tower of Hanoi? Could he have found the answer by working _with_ Yusaku and his friends instead of working _around_ them?

 _What matters are your actions._ Who knew Kusanagi was so wise? 

"Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?" asked Ryoken, watching Yusaku in profile.

"Hold my hand?" suggested Yusaku in a whisper, turning his head to gaze up at Ryoken.

_Huh?_

"Hold.. your hand?"

Yusaku began to smile, which caught Ryoken _so off guard_ he took a sharp intake of breath that he _knew_ Yusaku had heard.

Yusaku shrugged. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I thought we were having a moment. Maybe I was wrong.."

_A moment?_

Before his brain could _truly_ process the outcome, Ryoken's fingers had already found Yusaku's on the sheets. By the time Ryoken realized what was happening, Yusaku had already entwined his fingers with Ryoken's own and had begun applying soft pressure.

_What is this?_

They were holding hands. _Holding hands!_ How had their interactions in Ryoken's house gone from not seeing each other for weeks at a time to _holding hands_? If Ryoken's brain were a motherboard it surely would have short-circuited by now.

_So warm._

_Wait, no… what?_

"Perhaps we were the A.I.s all along," whispered Yusaku, pulling Ryoken out from his confused thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"Isn't it strange that as intelligent as our species claims to be we could not find a way to live alongside another intelligent lifeform like the Ignis. I didn't trust Ai for the longest time.. Only A.I.s reason in booleans."

Ryoken nodded slowly. "Believing in the impossible is inherently a human trait."

"Then Ai was as human as you and me. He wanted to _believe_ in the impossible. He didn't believe Lightning's words initially. He thought he could find a way to live together with humans. He desperately sought another answer. He was devastated when he couldn't find one."

Bitterness welled up within Ryoken. "Then perhaps I was the A.I.? All this time I thought that eradicating the Ignis was the only logical course of action."

Yusaku shook his head, his fingers ceasing their soothing pressure. "No, by the same logic you are undeniably human. You began to believe in Ai near the end. I remember what you said in the field of flowers. "It's up to you, Playmaker and _Ai_." You wanted to believe in him too, even as you thought his survival would result in humanity's destruction. You believed in the impossible. Thank you."

The way Yusaku's words _made him feel_ … He didn't _deserve_ to be admired like this, not when he had failed so spectacularly time and time again, not when he had failed to stop the Dark Ignis from going truly _dark_. "That was nothing, I--"

Something as light as feathers and soft as silk brushed against his cheek; Ryoken found he could no longer speak, could no longer process thought.

Yusaku's hand had delinked from Ryoken's. "I'm a bit tired so I think I'm going to turn in for the night. This was nice. Let's talk again tomorrow, yeah?"

"Uh.. yeah.. sure," mumbled Ryoken as he rose from the bed and mechanically headed for the door. "Good night."

Ryoken didn't dare look back, shutting the door to Yusaku's bedroom behind him as he stepped into the hallway.

When his brain had finally caught up to his body, a mad flush overcame his face and neck.

That soft sensation on his cheek had been Yusaku's lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this story in December 2019 shortly after finishing vrains. I wanted to explore deeper themes in this fic than in my other fics, so I took extra time and care crafting the discussion of Ai's death. I hope that you, the reader, felt that same heavy emotional impact I did while writing it.
> 
> I love reading your comments! They help me gauge interest, know what is and isn't working, and motivate me to keep writing. Please let me know your thoughts :) I reply to all signed reviews.
> 
> I am on Twitter as @maidenwrites (writing account) and @maidendays (main)! Feel free to drop a tweet!


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